MOULDY SOIL
weeds force through cracks in neglected skin
anything can be a sanctuary, and nothing is
the memories i carry are buried and grotty
and pain-swept valleys hollow my body
scathing winters pretending to glow
reminiscent of the boy i had to show
men that shout and tears that scrape
the solitary confinement of a decade’s wait
all freeze with a sister’s familiar embrace
because your head too has mold encased
each lonely hurting second i thought was a waste
that we didn’t realise it was together we faced
to let daisies grow through cracks in healing skin
and put him in his place as our future begins
BADDIE W A FRINGE
My heart’s trying to close but
Something in the way keeps me
Alive and alove
That I won’t be my maledacious dad
I might be purpose hopping
Hair cutting
Life changing
But my heart stays static
I used to think it lonely that
Eventually I’ll lose everyone except myself
Until I realised that means I get
One permanent friend:
Me!
LIVING WITH LONELINESS
i might just be in
la la la la la la la la love
with noone
you give me goosebumps
when i see you on tv
had such fun in my memories
suck in the absence
so it lives inside
rest on my shoulder
when i cry
look out the window
at fucking trees
that genuinely make me happy
fuck myself into the sheet
WRITTEN AFTER A FIRST DATE AND JUST BEFORE GETTING GHOSTED
did they like me too
where will this lead
am i getting carried away
10,000,000 espresso shhots
that was the best date EVER!!!!
SHIT GRIEF
a year ago my dad died
i’ve not been consistently happy since
seven years ago our relationship died
i can smell his whisky breath
i can see the vacant look in his eyes
i can feel his worst impulses inside me
but i’ve long forgotten his presence
i still strain to learn something from the grief
but i know less with each day
and for that i’m grateful
AFFECTIONATELY FETISHISED
numb as a queer icon
you’ll fall
for the decorations
relieved by male puberty
for dying
like dad
euphoria’s replaced dysphoria
you can rest
on my broad shoulders
PEACE FUEL
still a furious wanker’s son
with shallow fantasies that I’ve slung
same old fucking daffodil
stomping loves until I’ve won
still I’m stealing comfort when
she inverts my every whim
who knew that shadows felt it all
the nauseating sweet fuck all
so ashamed of every hit
from that selfish piece of shit.
now I stream serenity
I’ve breached my bedroom walls you see
the hurt and fear I used to hide
is balanced by the dove inside
that fucked up man who couldn’t change
might feel reborn through my syringe
GOT THERE IN 28 PERSONALLY
life is a simple thing
u spend 80 yrs learning
middle-aged women are ur type
and then u die