Elle Cawtheray :)

warning: themes of grief, alcoholism, domestic abuse, depression, transphobia, sex, heartbreak

my first collection: lesbian heartbreak poetry bedroom

miscellaneous works below

BADDIE W A FRINGE

My heart’s trying to close but
Something in the way keeps me
Alive and alove
That I won’t be my maledacious dad

I might be purpose hopping
Hair cutting
Life changing
But my heart stays static

I used to think it lonely that
Eventually I’ll lose everyone except myself
Until I realised that means I get
One permanent friend:
Me!


BLESS ME

put it in my body
bring me gay

dance to every other
beat

hit me soft
make me free
give me happy

throw that gorgeous arse


GOT THERE IN 28 PERSONALLY

life is a simple thing
u spend 80 yrs learning
middle-aged women are ur type
and then u die


LIVING WITH LONELINESS

i might just be in
la la la la la la la la love
with noone

you give me goosebumps
when i see you on tv

had such fun in my memories

suck in the absence
so it lives inside
rest on my shoulder
when i cry

look out the window
at fucking trees
that genuinely make me happy

fuck myself into the sheet


NECROTIC LITTLE PIGGY

i’m an ugly duckling
a black sheep
a necrotic little piggy
a beaten toe in place of a beating heart

i press against healthy friends
who flinch and cringe
who changed the way they kissed me
what happened to the solidarity
of my fellow toes?

no sock contains my stench
no park welcomes my battertoe

but one day i will heal
and cuddle again
with my wiggly friends


WRITTEN AFTER A FIRST DATE AND JUST BEFORE GETTING GHOSTED

did they like me too
where will this lead
am i getting carried away
10,000,000 espresso shhots
that was the best date EVER!!!!


SHIT GRIEF

a year ago my dad died
i’ve not been consistently happy since
seven years ago our relationship died
i can smell his whisky breath
i can see the vacant look in his eyes
i can feel his worst impulses inside me
but i’ve long forgotten his presence
i still strain to learn something from the grief
but i know less with each day
and for that i’m grateful


AFFECTIONATELY FETISHISED

numb as a queer icon
you’ll fall
for the decorations

relieved by male puberty
for dying
like dad

euphoria’s replaced dysphoria
you can rest
on my broad shoulders


I'LL STOP BEING FUCKED

i’m obsessed with possibility
and when we ended i was ripped up
by the sudden death of possibility
i'm obsessed with the possibility
that now we've ended i'll be glued up
by the immense birth of possibility


ELLE MODE

butch teasing chest wheezing means of production seizing

nude taking legs aching record breaking

toe sucking ass fucking need cucking

brain spinning heart grinning tissue binning


PEACE FUEL

still a furious wanker’s son
with shallow fantasies that I’ve slung
same old fucking daffodil
stomping loves until I’ve won

still I’m stealing comfort when
she inverts my every whim

who knew that shadows felt it all
the nauseating sweet fuck all

so ashamed of every hit
from that selfish piece of shit.

now I stream serenity
I’ve breached my bedroom walls you see
the hurt and fear I used to hide
is balanced by the dove inside

that fucked up man who couldn’t change
might feel reborn through my syringe


NAIVETWEE

when a nice little cooing dove
evolves in love
the changes may rattle hearts
but when i look what’s fallen out
i see a love that makes me shout:
i can’t wait to share so many farts